Man Rules/Rules for Men

# Never walk in front of the TV screen.
# If you want to utilise the remote, it must be upside down when pointed towards the TV.
# The only song men have on their MP3 player is ‘Eye of the Tiger’
# The girl who answers the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of.
# Never call another man just to ‘talk’.
# Never wax your chest, unless you’re The Rock.
# There is no such thing as soccer. It’s called football you dumb fuck.
# Real men eat meat. It is scientifically proven that everyone who is a vegetarian has a vagina.
# Never expect a man to remember your birthday, or in fact, any occasion. Presents are strictly optional, and never an obligation. Whinging about this will result in a violent teabagging.
# Men are better than women.
# If the host of a gathering has his own seat, then this seat can never be utilised by anyone other than the host. Unless they are given explicit instruction to do otherwise.
# If your mobile phone rings, and you are in the middle of an activity with your buddies, you must obtain the approval of every man present before picking up your mobile.
# A real man does not pause a game to reply to, or send, a text.
# Bro’s before ho’s. Unless she’s really fine, like Megan Fox. In which case fuck your bro’s.
# No man shall take the last slice or portion of a food item, without first obtaining the approval of every other man present. If two men come into conflict, they must resolve this with a fight.
# A real man doesn’t need instruction manuals.
# Lesbians are fucking manly. These bitches are so hardcore that they like bitches.
# Beer.
# Never go out with a brothers sister, unless you intend to marry her. And raise two beautiful children. And live in the countryside. And never make her cry. Staring is fine though.
# A brother in need, is a brother indeed.
# Never take a man’s food.
# Always finish your plate. A man who does not finish his plate must have his balls confiscated. With a sledgehammer.
# During a threesome with a brother, never make eye contact.
# Never criticise a man’s porn collection. Unless it’s really fucked up, like fat chicks.
# A bitch that gets drunk off alcopops is just waiting to be dicked. Do it.
# Boobs.
# The old Xbox controller is fucking manly.
# If you don’t know the difference between their and there, you have a vagina.
# Jaw lines are fucking manly.
# Real men must never watch womens football, unless the players are topless… and fucking each other.
# Real men don’t have fruit on their pizza.
# Never complain about a fellow mans fart or burp. Instead, rate it out of ten.
# When walking into a Mens Toilet, ensure that there is a one urinal gap on both sides of you. If this is not possible, wait.
# There is no known instance where it is acceptable for a man to be situated on other mans lap.
# Do not look over at another man’s urinal while he is urinating.
# Don’t question the rules.
# When mentioning the words Brokeback and Mountain, you best be referring to a pile of dead douchefags in your garden.